Scarlet

Scarlet

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FFFFUUUUCCK a duck.

[Nov. 26th, 2008|11:29 am]

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Current Mood

distressed

]

Michigan life..sucks. And it's obviously not Michigan itself, but the person living in it. This is pretty much my fucking life here. I go to school, I come home, I sit in my room all day. Why? Because the town I live in is fucked up and my parents wont let me go anywhere away from the house because I might get shot, stolen, wtf ever. I don't know a single fucking person in my own town. Do you know how sad that is!? In Lewistown I practically knew EVERYBODY. And even if they weren't like-able, at least I felt comfortable. If I'm spotted anywhere in this town people just stare. Stare as they've never stared before. And creepy ass guys wink at me..-Shudders- I WANT OUT. I feel like a fucking bird trapped in a cage. Any "friends" I have here I can't even hang out with because I live in a different fucking town than all of them! Half of them haven't even -heard- of Pullman because it's so small. I miss Lewistown because of it's freedom..no matter how "boring" others thought it was..I loved that little town. Even if some of the people weren't very favorable. And...I had a best friend there..one that I loved very much and cared for, despite the difficulties we were going through. I enjoyed every moment I was hanging out with him..and it never got dull to me. Though I was probably dull to him..he's most likely having a great time now in College, while I'm here slowly fading from his memory as he finds some better girl/guy to hang out with. I don't.....want to be forgotten..I'm so scared of just disappearing from everyone's memory because I really didn't mean much to them in the first place..I've been fighting with my grades..because..I want to see a certain someone again..but..I'm starting to give up..because I feel like if I was standing in front of him right now he'd simply turn around and head towards one of his new friends. People keep fucking pushing me, saying I have to go to college, saying I have to do this, and this. And I am TIRED of people trying to control me. It's not your fucking life, so leave me the fuck alone! I want someone here NOW in front of me to talk to. To hang out with, to be able to just hang around all the time. But how can I if they have to drive thirty minutes every time just to visit? We're teenagers. No one likes taking that long everyday. Somehow..I wish I could meet someone in my own town who could be that friend. Someone to hang around...anyone. At least then I wouldn't be trapped in this stupid house. I'd have somewhere to go. God I don't even know why I am ranting about this..probably because it wont be read. A silent plea..heh. 'Kay, end rant. Bye.

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[Jul. 8th, 2008|08:28 pm]

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Current Mood

contemplative

]

Alright so my mom finally decided that we are moving to Michigan, and she even got the date we are leaving! O: July 31st is when I will have to say goodbye to my beloved Montana. It's a special place in it's own little way. In other news..the pain my hip has come back ten fold and now the wrist I usually use to support myself as I limp about is causing me pain too soooo ick. I'm sure it will all go away eventually, eh? All that really matters is a certain special someone keeps making me smile everyday. ;O That's right, you Mike. I love you lots, babe and I'm glad I have you. :'] <3

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[Jun. 17th, 2008|12:52 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Your mom.	]
[	Current Mood	\|	devious	]

'Kay, so new entry. My leg hasn't been bothering me as much lately and I feel a lot happier. The sun is shinning and I'm getting a freaking great tan. (xD) Not really, I don't feel much tanner. I wish I was though. About the only problem I'm having is that Summer is going by WAY too quickly. I haven't even gotten out of this state! In other news I applied as a volunteer at the pound and they accepted me. Finally something I'm not supposedly "too young" to handle. :x The dogs there are really cute and I think my mom might actually let me get this puppy that I named Waddlee. She's so cute, and as the name says, she's a waddler. Humm..what else. I've been cutting back on food a little and doing a lot of walking. Soooo..I'm losing weight! Woot. My goal is 117 pounds. I weigh 121 at the moment. Though I suppose I look mostly at the waist reduction, not my actually weight in pounds. 'Kay so I really want to have my mom adopt Elyse or at least have her stay with me. ;[ It worries me sick when she is treated so poorly and I love her dearly. D: <33 Her family makes me want to rip some people to shreds. That's all I can say. 'Kay well I'll wrap this babbling up. I got new lotion and it smells freaking good. I love it. x.x Byes!

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[Jun. 3rd, 2008|11:14 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	My Den	]
[	Current Mood	\|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	\|	Try Walking in my Shoes	]

My mood right now seems to be snowballing out of control. I started out happy and content this year..and now suddenly I wish I could fall asleep and stay that way. The relationship I am in -was- good but now I feel less important to him (Raylynn) more and more each day..I feel like I'm losing him and it scares me because I don't want to be alone at this point in time. He is my only release away from my mother.( Yes I have a neglectful and verbally abusive mother but that doesn't matter blah.) Anyway. He comes over less now, and acts like my brother is more important than me, his girlfriend. Ouch, right? I'm feeling a great deal of tension and he doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from. Okay. Relationship aside. I was talking to my ex this evening and..it turned out HORRIBLY. I asked him a simple question and he answered it, but then he started wanting to know more and because he guilt trips me if I don't tell him enough I had to tell him. So I did. And then he ended up saying that he was disgusted by my decision to be with someone and that he didn't want to talk to me unless I was in real trouble because he wanted to just forget about me completely..so much for agreeing to stay friends, huh? That probably hit me hardest because I thought I could trust him and he just turned around and attacked me, weakening and making my mood much worse. Bleck, okay I am done rambling now. Sorry for this stupid entry annddd..have a good evening people.

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